Every winter I get a little down. Lack of sunshine, too much time inside are both part of the reason, I think. But this last 2 weeks I have been in a slump. We have had sickness pass to all of us. I got it this time too and I normally pass it up. I have continued to drive car pool and cook meals but that is about it. Thankfully we are on the mend, still keeping tissues handy and I still have a deeper voice than usual, but I feel more like my self. Living in a sick house for over a week was only part of my problem. I have had a lot on my mind.. I am not an outwardly emotional person. If you know me, you have probably heard me say I have a box in the back of my brain for my issues. I tend to keep things tucked in there till I have time to deal with them. Not always a healthy way to go. I don't think it is all bad. Sometimes, time gives me time to make sense of some of my thoughts and emotions and can help me hold off and give a situation a reasonable solution instead of a irrational reaction. But my problem occurs when I try to take care of it all by my self, my "box" becomes overcrowded. At that point, I can't deal with any of it. I always wait till I am at a breaking point before I turn to prayer. I will gladly pray for your 2nd cousin twice removed next door neighbor if you ask me. I won't question it. I know prayer does wonderful things. Something just stops me from praying for my own issues. I pray for my children and husband daily, but to pray for me....it is always my last resort. I know that God should be the first stop, but when it comes to my self, He is the last. Maybe I think I should be able to figure things out on my own? Sometimes I will say to myself, God gave you a brain, figure this out. I think at times, I don't feel worthy to bother God with my issues. This is of course crazy. He created me and thought enough of me to offer his son as a sacrifice so I could be saved. He wouldn't have done that if I wasn't worthy enough. I don't think I am alone in this problem. I think as women, we are very hard on ourselves. We try to take on the world. We take on school committees, church meetings, children, homework, husbands, friends, our homes and the list goes on and on. All while putting on a smile and a healthy plate on the table. We can't let on that we don't have it all figured out. So we tuck our emotions in our boxes or where ever it is for us and put them on the bottom of our to do list. The problem with this, is we check everything else off and eventually our box is so full, and we are at our breaking point. My box was in just such a mess this last week. I was left with no option but to go on my knees and spill all my dirty laundry to God. But that is just it, it is not dirty laundry to Him. He already knows what is going on, his arms were out the whole time waiting on me. I was just stubborn, like a toddler trying to put their coat on upside down, not giving up, till at last they are so frustrated, they turn to their loving parent who has been waiting to help the whole time.
What can we do to keep from getting so bogged down. I think we will always have full plates, we just have to learn to go to our heavenly Father before we are at the end of our rope. I suppose like a toddler learning to put their own coat on, it takes practice.
But for today, I am feeling better and will be digging myself out. This time with God's help.