Learning to Love The Stage We Are In

I have so many good memories of my boys when they were little.  They are only 22 months apart, so they really grew up together.  I loved watching them become the best of friends.  They still are today.  I loved taking them to the local library story hour and to the park for picnic lunches afterwards.  I miss having Disney's "Peter Pan" playing daily on the VCR.  I miss my kids being in diapers and dressing them in cute baby and toddler clothes.  I also know those times were filled with lots of things I was probably wishing away at the time.  I do remember longing for the day when I didn't have to buy diapers or pull ups at the store each week.  I remember longing for the day when each of my 3 kids would sleep through the night.  It seemed like we are always wishing for the next stage.  Looking back, the thing I wish I had done more of was savor the stage we were in more at the time.  I do have sweet memories of nursing each of my kids.  I always enjoyed the 6am feeding.  I was awake enough that I was able to enjoy looking into their eyes more while the house was quiet.  I remember funny things they each use to do.  Funny how the toys all over the floor and messy meal times and dirty diapers don't really cross your mind when you look back.
With all the good memories, I wouldn't skip the stage we are in now and go back even if I could.  My oldest is 14, a teenager.  My middle one is 12 and my youngest one is 7.  I don't have "babies" anymore.  But the other day after picking up my oldest from an academic team meet, he and I had an intellectual conversation about education today.  Not something I ever talked to him about when he was 4.  I love talking with my kids and seeing what they think about things.  They are pretty smart kids and I couldn't be more impressed with their thoughts and views on life.  I am really enjoying this stage.  Are there things about teenagers that are driving me crazy...yes.  Every time I see an eye roll out of the corner of my eye, I want to scream and sometimes I do.  When they sass me, I have to refrain from loosing it and remind them that they will never be that big.  But I have a feeling that when they fly this nest, I won't dwell on that but remember with fondness the conversations and the hugs they still need from me when no one is looking.  My daughter who is 7 is growing so fast too.  She is also not a "baby" anymore.  Though, being the youngest, she stayed there a little longer.  But I love watching her learn to read and ace her math work, (something I never did).  I love watching her play with her brothers or her guys as she calls them.  I miss holding the sweet baby that she was.  It is a little different with her because she was so sick as a baby that there are parts I wouldn't wish to go back to because she was in pain with some of it and I would still wish to move past that quickly.  We know the issues now and how to avoid the pain and know how to handle anaphylaxic and how to avoid it.  For that, I am glad we are past that scary time.  But I miss her wild hair when she would wake up and jump in her crib and the way she would squeal when she saw her guys in the pick up line at school.  But this stage is a good one too and I am working very hard to be present in it.  Because one thing I have learned,  is it will pass in a blink of an eye. And I don't want to miss a thing.

a picture of my "babies" on a very fun week long camping trip back in  '08 or '09

31 Days...31 Bags..Ready, Set, Go

http://www.thenester.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/2.png

I'm linking up to get control of the stuff in our house.  My plan is for the next 31 days to get 31 bags (at least) of stuff we do not need out of this house, that = 1 bag a day, surly I can handle that.  Not sure when it went from I'll save this for later to not being able to find anything in the closets and drawers because it is such a jumbled mess.  I'm queen of I'll sit this here and get to it later, sadly later never comes.  Then it is a rush of a school morning and a child needs a permission slip signed and I have not a clue where it went.  Clearly, someone is breaking into our house and stealing coupons and permission slips and things of that nature, must be what all the cool crooks take these days.  I'm done with it all ready, that jar of glitter that has an 1/8 of a tsp left in it, you know the one in the back of my silverware drawer..gone, along with so much else that is not serving us any purpose but stress.  What a perfect time to do this.  Get on board now and my house might be ready for the holiday which will be here in the blink of an eye.
I'll post a few before and after pictures, not many, I don't want to embarrass my self too much.  Who wants to join me on my crazy train, always room for one more.

16 Years and Counting

September 21, 1996

16 Years ago, in the pouring rain, we are talking Noah and the Ark kind of rain, the kind that leaks right through the church roof rain; I took Mark to be my husband and he took me to be his wife.  Months of finding the right dress and head piece, the guys getting fitted into tuxes, flower and cake choices and on and on, we thought we were all ready to start our life together.  Looking back, the only ideas we stayed on track with was loving each other.  16 years ago, we had our future planned out.  Then came life, you know, jobs, bills, house buying, babies and our own growing up. Apparently you don't know everything in your early twenties, who knew.  Over the years, we've learned to give and take and we have learned to hang on to each other because this life road we are on can be very bumpy.

I am so glad Mark is who he is, I think we even each other out.  I loved who he was and I love who he is now and I know he feels the same.  I love the father he is to our children, taking the time to teach them the things he knows.  He still makes my heart skip a beat when I see him working with the boys or having a tea party with our daughter.  I am humbled at his work ethic and how much he does so I can be home with our kids.  I love his determination when he wants to do something, like how he went back to finish college despite working a full time job and having us at home.  I still love it when he sits down beside me and slips his arm around me just as much as the first time he slipped his arm around me when we were dating.  I love that he doesn't worry what people say or think, I could take a lesson in that.  I love that on him, camo and flannel go together. 

I love that our life did not turn out like we planned, because we wouldn't be who we are today and wouldn't have the blessings that we do in our life now.  Mark, thank you for loving me these past 16 years and I am looking forward to the next 16.

2012  

Happy Birthday Steven

Steven (vacation 2012)

Today my oldest son is 14 years old.  14 years ago, my husband Mark and I were 20 somethings,  we had purchased our first home and we pretty much thought we had this world figured out. 14 years ago, our lives changed forever, and in a way I never imagined was possible. On September 14th 1998 at 7:26 in the morning, we became parents.  After all the months of preparing and waiting, I was finally holding our son.  We named him Steven Hayward.  He is named after his grandfathers on both sides and his Dad, who by the way he looks just like.

I do believe first born children are made a bit stronger than their younger siblings.  They have to be to handle the mistakes their parents make.  After two days in the hospital and the nurses telling me when to nurse him, they were sending us home to care for this child on our own. On one hand we were so excited, on the other hand, we were scared and  did not know what we were doing.  Sink or swim is how it's done.  We got our discharge papers and set out on the hour drive back home.  We had to stop half way home because he was screaming so much.  You see, my milk hadn't come in yet and they did not tell me to nurse him before we left.  It finally occurred to me that he hadn't eaten in several hours and that might be it.  IT was.  I remember sitting there nursing him in that gas station parking lot telling him we would just have to figure this out together.  And that is just what we did.

Over the last 14 years, my love for him has only grown with each passing day.  I am so proud of the young man he is becoming.  I cherish the days when he was small but I so enjoy watching him explore this world and find his place in it.  

Who is Steven.  Steven smart.  He is serious and thinks about things that never occurred to me at his age.  He is a perfectionist.  Things have to be a certain way.  He loves science and wants to know how everything works.  He is reserved but will come out of his shell and surprise you sometimes.  He prefers old, classic shows  and old comics to the new ones.  He will watch the how the movie was made part of the DVD as much as the movie itself.  The boy loves to read and thinks that a once a week trip to the library is not enough.  Steven is a great big brother.  He is a protector of both his brother and his sister.  He is caring, considerate, respectful and hardworking.  He is an alter server at church and takes such pride in doing that job well along with any job he is given. 

playing the cello

He is growing up fast and will be spreading his wings before I know it.  But he will always be my baby.  As I think about these upcoming years, I feel hesitation and anticipation at the same time.  My prayer is that he learns to trust his gut, God gave that to him for a reason.  I pray that he learns to lean on God and go to him often out of love and desire.  I pray he finds his God given gifts and runs with it.  I pray as he finishes middle school and heads into high school next year that he continues to be true to himself and know that God made him who he is.

on a hiking trail

I am so thankful and proud to be his Mom and I love him to the moon and back and will continue to with every breath I take.  Happy Birthday my son.

yes he is flying a real plane in the real sky.

He Has The Whole World In His Hands

from on top of Sky Bridge

family pic under the bridge

Under Sky Bridge in the Red River Gorge


Yesterday my family and I went hiking after Mass in the Red River Gorge.  It is a beautiful area in Kentucky that we are blessed to live very close to and we are able to visit often.  The picture above is one of the many rock formations that are throughout the Gorge.  When we walk these trails, I can physically feel the stress and worries of my life removed.  It is as real as removing a heavy pack from your back and feeling the weight gone.  My entire body relaxes and I breathe easier and feel  a peace I have trouble feeling elsewhere.  I believe that there must be a part of heaven that will look like this area.  I can picture God molding these formations  like an artist and his sculpture.  I look at these rocks that God designed with the rain and time and know that He sees a much bigger picture than we do.  The detail that is in every leaf, plant, flower, and rock show the love for beauty that our Father has.  Since He took so much care to make these rocks and mountains and hills so beautiful and breathtaking, think of the beauty He must see in us.  He created us in His image.  The design of these rocks is no mistake, they were built to last generation to generation and they are rocks.  Just think of the plans he has for us.  These hills were made to last people, wind, rain, and storms of great power and when things get knocked down, they have the ability to rebuild themselves.  He thought of everything.

The week has started anew, but these hikes in God's Art gallery and the blessing of receiving the blessed sacrament  make the stresses in my life manageable.  They give me the  strength   and peace that I need and that God knows I need.  No, it doesn't remove the illness of family members and friends nor does it change job struggles or bank accounts but it does remind me that God is looking at a much bigger picture and He has it all in His hands.

Soaking It All In

walking a trail at a local state park

My family loves to get outside and hike.  We are very grateful to live in Kentucky where we have so many nice state parks and lots of different trails to choose from.  We normally like to hike in the mountains but this past Sunday after Mass, we went to another state park.  I love history and this park had an assortment of old war history.  But aside from that, it was a day to just be with my husband and kiddos.  I had packed a picnic lunch and after, we walked the park to see what we could see.  While I loved the history, my love of watching my family just be who they are takes the cake.  I snapped the picture above because I wanted to remember what I was feeling.  My boys were way up ahead talking about who knows what.  Mark and his shadow, Lily Rose were right behind them, she was, I'm sure telling her Daddy where to walk next.  I could have jumped up there with them but I didn't.  I did later but for the moment, I just wanted to watch them.  

I am the first to admit that I suffer from the green eyed monster syndrome sometimes.  I see other peoples nicer houses and the big trips they go on.  But it doesn't last too long.  You see, I have found the cure.  The cure is to step back and just watch.  When I do that, my eyes are open to the riches I have.  No, my bank account is very small and our house won't  be found in a  style magazines.  But my riches are worth far more.  My riches make chipped paint look like what chipped paint.  My riches are what you see in the picture above.  My family!  I watch as they walk and be themselves and  it becomes as clear as can be.  I love watching my boys carry on with each other.  Sometimes they fight and bicker but they are the first to lookout for the other all while looking out for there sister too.  I love watching my little girl learn more and more about the world we live in.  I love watching my husband teach them all how to read the trail maps and show them things as we walk these trails.  I soak it all in.  I jump back in and join my crew.  But I have found that in order to be truly present, you sometimes have to step back for just a minute to see exactly where you are and to give thanks to God for the riches in your life.

Just to keep it all real, we aren't out there singing Zipity Do Da.  They are kids and they don't always look so innocent.

a certain little girl protesting reading the names on the statue and having her picture taken.

Summer Reading

Right now I am in the midst of getting all things school ready for our youngest. I have been reading and rereading this book over the summer and cannot tell you what a blessing it has been.  I have followed Elizabeth Foss  on the Internet for a while and love everything she posts.  This book has so many good ideas for learning at home and has helped me tremendously as I put together the year ahead of us.
If you are a homeschooling mom or know one, get this book.




http://www.elizabethfoss.com/heart_of_my_home_store/real-learning/