16 Years and Counting

September 21, 1996

16 Years ago, in the pouring rain, we are talking Noah and the Ark kind of rain, the kind that leaks right through the church roof rain; I took Mark to be my husband and he took me to be his wife.  Months of finding the right dress and head piece, the guys getting fitted into tuxes, flower and cake choices and on and on, we thought we were all ready to start our life together.  Looking back, the only ideas we stayed on track with was loving each other.  16 years ago, we had our future planned out.  Then came life, you know, jobs, bills, house buying, babies and our own growing up. Apparently you don't know everything in your early twenties, who knew.  Over the years, we've learned to give and take and we have learned to hang on to each other because this life road we are on can be very bumpy.

I am so glad Mark is who he is, I think we even each other out.  I loved who he was and I love who he is now and I know he feels the same.  I love the father he is to our children, taking the time to teach them the things he knows.  He still makes my heart skip a beat when I see him working with the boys or having a tea party with our daughter.  I am humbled at his work ethic and how much he does so I can be home with our kids.  I love his determination when he wants to do something, like how he went back to finish college despite working a full time job and having us at home.  I still love it when he sits down beside me and slips his arm around me just as much as the first time he slipped his arm around me when we were dating.  I love that he doesn't worry what people say or think, I could take a lesson in that.  I love that on him, camo and flannel go together. 

I love that our life did not turn out like we planned, because we wouldn't be who we are today and wouldn't have the blessings that we do in our life now.  Mark, thank you for loving me these past 16 years and I am looking forward to the next 16.

2012  

Happy Birthday Steven

Steven (vacation 2012)

Today my oldest son is 14 years old.  14 years ago, my husband Mark and I were 20 somethings,  we had purchased our first home and we pretty much thought we had this world figured out. 14 years ago, our lives changed forever, and in a way I never imagined was possible. On September 14th 1998 at 7:26 in the morning, we became parents.  After all the months of preparing and waiting, I was finally holding our son.  We named him Steven Hayward.  He is named after his grandfathers on both sides and his Dad, who by the way he looks just like.

I do believe first born children are made a bit stronger than their younger siblings.  They have to be to handle the mistakes their parents make.  After two days in the hospital and the nurses telling me when to nurse him, they were sending us home to care for this child on our own. On one hand we were so excited, on the other hand, we were scared and  did not know what we were doing.  Sink or swim is how it's done.  We got our discharge papers and set out on the hour drive back home.  We had to stop half way home because he was screaming so much.  You see, my milk hadn't come in yet and they did not tell me to nurse him before we left.  It finally occurred to me that he hadn't eaten in several hours and that might be it.  IT was.  I remember sitting there nursing him in that gas station parking lot telling him we would just have to figure this out together.  And that is just what we did.

Over the last 14 years, my love for him has only grown with each passing day.  I am so proud of the young man he is becoming.  I cherish the days when he was small but I so enjoy watching him explore this world and find his place in it.  

Who is Steven.  Steven smart.  He is serious and thinks about things that never occurred to me at his age.  He is a perfectionist.  Things have to be a certain way.  He loves science and wants to know how everything works.  He is reserved but will come out of his shell and surprise you sometimes.  He prefers old, classic shows  and old comics to the new ones.  He will watch the how the movie was made part of the DVD as much as the movie itself.  The boy loves to read and thinks that a once a week trip to the library is not enough.  Steven is a great big brother.  He is a protector of both his brother and his sister.  He is caring, considerate, respectful and hardworking.  He is an alter server at church and takes such pride in doing that job well along with any job he is given. 

playing the cello

He is growing up fast and will be spreading his wings before I know it.  But he will always be my baby.  As I think about these upcoming years, I feel hesitation and anticipation at the same time.  My prayer is that he learns to trust his gut, God gave that to him for a reason.  I pray that he learns to lean on God and go to him often out of love and desire.  I pray he finds his God given gifts and runs with it.  I pray as he finishes middle school and heads into high school next year that he continues to be true to himself and know that God made him who he is.

on a hiking trail

I am so thankful and proud to be his Mom and I love him to the moon and back and will continue to with every breath I take.  Happy Birthday my son.

yes he is flying a real plane in the real sky.

He Has The Whole World In His Hands

from on top of Sky Bridge

family pic under the bridge

Under Sky Bridge in the Red River Gorge


Yesterday my family and I went hiking after Mass in the Red River Gorge.  It is a beautiful area in Kentucky that we are blessed to live very close to and we are able to visit often.  The picture above is one of the many rock formations that are throughout the Gorge.  When we walk these trails, I can physically feel the stress and worries of my life removed.  It is as real as removing a heavy pack from your back and feeling the weight gone.  My entire body relaxes and I breathe easier and feel  a peace I have trouble feeling elsewhere.  I believe that there must be a part of heaven that will look like this area.  I can picture God molding these formations  like an artist and his sculpture.  I look at these rocks that God designed with the rain and time and know that He sees a much bigger picture than we do.  The detail that is in every leaf, plant, flower, and rock show the love for beauty that our Father has.  Since He took so much care to make these rocks and mountains and hills so beautiful and breathtaking, think of the beauty He must see in us.  He created us in His image.  The design of these rocks is no mistake, they were built to last generation to generation and they are rocks.  Just think of the plans he has for us.  These hills were made to last people, wind, rain, and storms of great power and when things get knocked down, they have the ability to rebuild themselves.  He thought of everything.

The week has started anew, but these hikes in God's Art gallery and the blessing of receiving the blessed sacrament  make the stresses in my life manageable.  They give me the  strength   and peace that I need and that God knows I need.  No, it doesn't remove the illness of family members and friends nor does it change job struggles or bank accounts but it does remind me that God is looking at a much bigger picture and He has it all in His hands.

Soaking It All In

walking a trail at a local state park

My family loves to get outside and hike.  We are very grateful to live in Kentucky where we have so many nice state parks and lots of different trails to choose from.  We normally like to hike in the mountains but this past Sunday after Mass, we went to another state park.  I love history and this park had an assortment of old war history.  But aside from that, it was a day to just be with my husband and kiddos.  I had packed a picnic lunch and after, we walked the park to see what we could see.  While I loved the history, my love of watching my family just be who they are takes the cake.  I snapped the picture above because I wanted to remember what I was feeling.  My boys were way up ahead talking about who knows what.  Mark and his shadow, Lily Rose were right behind them, she was, I'm sure telling her Daddy where to walk next.  I could have jumped up there with them but I didn't.  I did later but for the moment, I just wanted to watch them.  

I am the first to admit that I suffer from the green eyed monster syndrome sometimes.  I see other peoples nicer houses and the big trips they go on.  But it doesn't last too long.  You see, I have found the cure.  The cure is to step back and just watch.  When I do that, my eyes are open to the riches I have.  No, my bank account is very small and our house won't  be found in a  style magazines.  But my riches are worth far more.  My riches make chipped paint look like what chipped paint.  My riches are what you see in the picture above.  My family!  I watch as they walk and be themselves and  it becomes as clear as can be.  I love watching my boys carry on with each other.  Sometimes they fight and bicker but they are the first to lookout for the other all while looking out for there sister too.  I love watching my little girl learn more and more about the world we live in.  I love watching my husband teach them all how to read the trail maps and show them things as we walk these trails.  I soak it all in.  I jump back in and join my crew.  But I have found that in order to be truly present, you sometimes have to step back for just a minute to see exactly where you are and to give thanks to God for the riches in your life.

Just to keep it all real, we aren't out there singing Zipity Do Da.  They are kids and they don't always look so innocent.

a certain little girl protesting reading the names on the statue and having her picture taken.

Summer Reading

Right now I am in the midst of getting all things school ready for our youngest. I have been reading and rereading this book over the summer and cannot tell you what a blessing it has been.  I have followed Elizabeth Foss  on the Internet for a while and love everything she posts.  This book has so many good ideas for learning at home and has helped me tremendously as I put together the year ahead of us.
If you are a homeschooling mom or know one, get this book.




http://www.elizabethfoss.com/heart_of_my_home_store/real-learning/

Vacation memories

Just wanted to share some vacation pictures and memories before the summer season is gone.  This year we were very blessed to have been able to spend a week in Florida in July.  My husbands parents and sister live down in the sunshine state, so we were able to spend time with them as well.  I was very glad I was able to stay the night with my cousin during our trip as well. She married a year ago and moved to Florida too.

We had a wonderful trip and it was so nice to just relax and remove ourselves from our everyday.  The place we stayed has a wonderful complementary breakfast.  Do you know how nice it is to walk over for breakfast and not have to get it cooked or clean up after.  Lily Rose and I put a dent in the number of strawberries the state of Florida has.  And to have someone else make the beds and clean the bathrooms up was a treat.  The first day after returning from the pool, we walked into our room and Lily Rose gasped and shouted, "Mom, someone cleaned our room."  The shock in her face was so funny.

our room for the week.

We visited the beach the first night down there and watched a drum circle on the beach.  So many sights and sounds and the fire twirler was icing on the cake.  But lets not forget the beautiful sunset.  The sunsets are so peaceful over the water.

drum circle

fire twirler

sunset

We visited Tarpon Springs, Fl.  If you are down there, you have to try to take a few hours to tour this very neat town.  We shopped in very neat, locally owned shops, ate desserts that were to die for, and went on a dolphin cruise to a beautiful island.  It was a wonderful day.  Watching the kids, especially my oldest watch as dolphins swam next to the boat would have been enough to make the day perfect by itself.  I would love to go back again sometime.

bringing in the sponges that were harvested

so yummy

this pic is getting enlarged and hung in our bedroom

watching the dolphins

ready to board the boat

Love this of the boys walking together.  Would love to know what they were talking about.

Lily Rose collecting every shell she  finds

She could not get enough of the boat

zooming in on a lighthouse while docked on anclote island

Of course you don't go to Florida without hitting the beach.  The boys stayed in the water the entire time.  The waves were so much fun.  Lily Rose enjoyed playing on the beach and even met another little girl named Lily. 

The rest of the trip included lots of visiting with family and just relaxing and taking in every colorful sunset there was.

My husbands family

My cousin and her new husband

So thankful for time with my family and time to take a step back and relax.

Finding Solutions to Life with Food Allergies

I never knew I could hurt without having anything wrong with me.  I never truly understood the saying, "it broke my heart".  I never fully understood wanting to take on another persons pain for them.  Sure, I have compassion for others. I empathize when others are sad, I have felt grief through  a loss.  But when my child hurts, it is like nothing I have felt before.  Before I worry folks, everybody is OK here.  Everybody is healthy and enjoying the rest of summer.  The pain I felt came on the eve of my beautiful daughters 7th birthday.  She was lying in bed with me, and we were talking about all the very cool things a 7 year old gets to do.  We were discussing birthday present wishes and parties at the lake.  We said our bedtime prayer and after we finished, she looked at me with her beautiful eyes and said the words that made my heart hurt to the core.  She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I turn 7, me don't want allergies anymore."  I looked at her while taking in a shaky, hold in your tears kind of breath and watched as a tear ran down her cheek.  I said a silent prayer for help because I didn't have the words to make this better.

  Lily Rose has never seemed to resent her food allergies, she doesn't remember  life without food allergies.  We have been very intentional in staying positive about food.  I have taken a proactive approach in finding foods that are healthy  and fun to eat, not just for her but for our entire family.  When folks give her that sad look, we are quick to correct them that she can eat so many wonderful foods, that they might just be different than what is on their plate.  We have also been proactive in making sure Lily Rose understands that she can only eat her "safe foods".

I don't know where her plea came from.  I suppose it was only a matter of time before she wished for things to be different.  Maybe she recognized the extra work safe foods can be when traveling and at other peoples homes.  Maybe she just got sick and tired of me saying, "I'm sorry, it is not allergy safe."  It doesn't matter where it came from, I just had to find a way to turn it around.  I told her that her allergies and celiac won't just go away, that just isn't how it works.  I told her how sorry I was that she was sad.  I told her how happy I was that we know what she can't have and know what she can have, because that keeps her healthy.  I told her how much we all love her.  I held her for a moment and kissed her head.  I took a deep breath and told her I had an idea.  She perked up and excitedly asked what?  I said that when we returned home, the two of us would come up with new recipes and find some new foods to eat.  We talked about what we could plant in the fall garden and what we could fix with it.  We are home now and that is exactly what we have been doing. Lily Rose loves to cook and she loves to eat.  We have some good ideas going and we will share later how some of them turn out.

I am looking at this as a learning experience.  I would take her food allergies away from her in a second if I could, but I can't.  I would take them on myself if it worked that way, but it doesn't.  I am sure that this won't be the last go around she has while she grows up with what are dangers (unsafe foods) all around her.  But I don't want her to look at food as the enemy.  I want her to know her body and the limitations that are there and that are there for all of us in one form or fashion.  I want her to accept the things she cannot change and change the things she can.  I want her to know that God created her for a purpose and know how much our heavenly Father loves her.  I also want her to know how much her Daddy and I love her; part of the way I can do that is to help her when she needs help.

  I know that there are parents out there who are dealing with things so much harder than food allergies.  There are too many children cancer centers and hospitals.  So many of those parents have wiped the tears of a child facing great sickness and so many have felt the unimaginable pain of loosing a child.  I pray for these parents and when I do I am so grateful that our cross is "just food".  How many would give their right arm to only have food allergies.  I am so thankful to have my daughter in the time of epi pens and Er's and knowledge of food allergies.  What a blessing that is.  I thought of that blessing after giving her an epi pen shot in the thigh when she couldn't catch her breath after breathing in an allergen this past Christmas season.   Yes, this burden is small compared to some, but it is the cross she bears.  It is one that we will continue to learn from. And that night, it was the cause of her tear.

She is excited to try new things and is loving coming up with new recipes.  She is especially looking forward to her special birthday party treat this coming weekend.  Her tear is gone, but not before leaving a stain on my heart.  That stain will be a reminder of the blessings in my life and the blessing of my  children who have been entrusted to our care.  The stain will be a reminder to remember and to pray for the parents whose stain runs much deeper than mine.  My stain will be one of many that comes from being a parent.  Oh, but the joy they give me.